The Recovery Group

A Personal Recovery


Dear Journal,

My A/C unit died a week ago, but finally got it working on the eve of July 4, had to replace the first unit within 24 hours as it only ran for 20 hours then died. How many times have I heard, "this part never does this, this is very unusual!".. :-) They must learn that line somewhere in their repair courses.... cars, stereo stuff, anything I've ever owned it seems.

The A/C guy did reduce his bill by $150 for my inconvenience though, so that was a nice gift. I was able to get through the week without air conditioning without letting it affect my mood, I learned to appreciate the afternoon rain as it cooled and cleansed the air, it was quite enjoyable in fact. I have been able to set the thermostat up a couple of degrees and still feel comfortable now after a week in the 90's in the house.. so that may prove to be yet another positive that came from this experience - a reduced electric bill. :-)

The day of the 4th had some surprises, my wife was off work and offered to fix my breakfast which I enjoyed, and it wasn't until getting ready to send my food later that day to my sponsor that I realized I didn't have my protein for breakfast, and the most curious thing happened, I began to fixate on the fact that I had missed having something that I would have had normally and began thinking about it being okay to "make it up" by having more, or something extra now that I realized I had missed it. This thought would just not leave me alone... even this morning it still haunts me a bit... and the fact that I also slept through my snack last night has made it even worse... I will not give in to this, but I am finding it a very tenacious thought.

I just finished my breakfast, had a cereal that I don't normally have, something my wife got for me, that she should have known I didn't like... a puffed cereal, and in the 27 years we've been married, I NEVER have eaten puffed cereal.. to her credit of course, she did get a "healthy" version, no sugar, no additives, but still... :-) I ate it anyway as it was the only thing in the house and what I normally get wasn't available at the store last night.. I had run out and she was doing me a favor... I AM grateful, and I did eat it, telling myself it doesn't really matter if I like it, it fits my food plan, and it's what I have available.. it's nourishment and that's all that really matters.

This feeling of being "behind" in my food intake has lessened but it's still there... I'll have to delve into that a bit I guess. Obviously something else is going on in my head.

Spent some time discussing "Life" with a friend today, talking about the need most of us have to want to "blame" something or someone for all the bad things that happen in our lives. If it happens to our family, we blame ourselves, if it happens to us, we blame others or God. It is my view that Life just happens, there is not a "god" directing every event, it is random by design and what our Higher Power does for us is gives us a way to deal with that randomness. Acceptance of the way things are, whether we can understand them or not. I have come to believe that the "Creator" set the environment for life to exist and then just let it unfold. Guiding us in how we deal with that life, but not down here stirring the pot just to mess us up. It doesn't matter what happens to me, only how I deal with what happens to me! How I grow along spiritual lines makes it possible to accept what happens to me.

Had a few doctors appointments recently, and for the most part am in the best shape in a long time, all blood work is great, am still reducing my weight, almost done with the diabetes meds.. have been reducing those steadily over the last year, and in another 3 months will evaluate again and hopefully will be able to be taken off all together. Resting heart rate was 52, the cardiologist was thrilled, EKG looked great, and don't see him for another year. The colonoscopy evaluation is in a couple of weeks, so don't know anything new about that yet, but worry about it is not in my plans.

I continue to walk my 1.5 miles in the mornings, extended to 1.8 a few times, and 2.75 on one other occasion... I was feeling very strong when I started, but went through a lot of mental exercises to finish that one. I shared on that earlier.

This morning I felt absolutely skinny when on my walk, my legs felt strong, my wind was good, I didn't start sweating till almost 3/4 of the way done... had a nice chat with my daughter on the walk, it was just a great morning.

More and more the good days overshadow the not so good ones... I am excited to get up in the mornings and I look forward to my days now with anticipation.

Am doing some yard work getting ready for a visit from my brother, so muscles are a bit sore, but I feel good about that, hopefully I'll have some energy left by the time he actually gets here. LOL He's travelling in a 30' motor home so I needed to clear a path through my "wild" area to get him near the electric box. It needed it anyway.. :-)

All in all, I'd have to say, Life is Good! Learning to appreciate all the things that happen, looking for (and finding) the positives in each situation has been a wonderful serendipity for me. Having the clarity of thought that being abstinent provides is beyond description, suffice to say, it is joyful!

Thank you all for being there,

Stay Strong!

love and hugs,

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Part 39

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