"I am responsible for the effort, not the outcome."
Someone had sent this to me in a note a while back, and I was rereading it today before cleaning my desk... and it jumped out at me.... I have been working very hard at not letting my expectations get the upper hand. I have been concentrating more and more on just doing my plan, doing my daily tasks without thinking about any results really, just focusing on the task at hand and letting the result take care of itself. I have been much more relaxed about most things doing it this way, and even those things that "could" bother me immensely don't seem to have the same power over me. It it truly a joyous feeling to not be obsessing about every little (or even some big) thing(s) anymore.
I'm doing what "I" have to do, and leaving the rest to my Higher Power. I am just about done working on steps 6 and 7.. it has taken me longer than I had originally thought, but the book I'm using to help me is really comprehensive and I just do a little at a time and give myself time to absorb the lesson and integrate it into my daily living... it's not the simple little step I thought it would be. :-) (and of course I know I'll never really be "done")
It is reinforcing for me that if I just do the work, as I move through the steps, the skills I need for any given step will be at my disposal when I get there.
I can't be starting to work Step 1 and worrying about Step 9.. I am just not ready for it, so why spend time and effort and emotional energy (turmoil) worrying about it? "Do what is in front of me" has been my motto for the last year, and it's been working great!
I jumped on the scale today, and am down another 25 lbs. so I'm almost down enough now to get on a doctors scale to really get an accurate measure, although as I go along it becomes less and less important for me to know that number... My seamstress is going to have to begin taking in the clothes, I'm starting to lose them more and more.. :-)
My next milestone which I am rapidly approaching will be a 300 lb. weight loss. At the risk of setting up the expectation, it probably will happen sometime in the next month or two. I will of course let you all know the minute I know. (smile)
My walks have been mostly the 1.5 miles I have been doing for a while now, with the occasional extension to 1.9 when I feel the energy is right. It's happened a few times now, and I think soon will become the normal rather than the exception. I have to think back to just a year ago when 100' was all I could manage, I am so blessed. Thank you God!
My food plan is pretty much the same, I figure why try to fix something that isn't broken, and the desire for my trigger foods has almost disappeared, even the commercials for my favorites don't appeal to me anymore.. THIS is truly a miracle. I would have not believed that the desire would go away, I thought I'd just have to always white knuckle it a little bit about some foods.. Not So!
I now accept that some foods are just not going to be in my food program. I am not "cured", I know this. I have a daily respite from this disease by keeping myself spiritually in tune with my Higher Power. If I ever start to think, that "now it would be okay to reintroduce those trigger foods", I am walking away from my HP... and right now I would recognize that, and I hope I always will.
As always, I pray for the strength to continue working this program, the wisdom to recognize the path I came from so that I may more quickly be able to take corrective action when I find myself heading down it again.
Perhaps one day that path will be so overgrown that it will be impassable and will no longer be a choice for me. It's a nice thought but it'll probably be the day I'm in the ground.. :-)
love and hugs,
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