"Our lives are sprinkled with brief exquisite moments, the rest of the time is the preparation that makes it possible to appreciate them." (me) :-)
I was listening to a song this morning, "All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison... and I began to wax nostalgic.
the lyric goes,
"Sunrise doesn't last all morning
I was thinking that everything, all the time, is changing, and we have to just appreciate those moments that come to us. More and more I am finding that the things which happen in my life can be appreciated whether they are positive or negative. I don't have to really DO anything about them.
A cloudburst doesn't last all day"
The fact is I don't know what is positive or negative. I have the disease of compulsive overeating, a negative you might say, but because of it I have found a new way to live and have found meaning and serenity that I doubt I would have found otherwise. So when I say I am a grateful, recovering compulsive overeater, it isn't a contradiction at all.
"Now the darkness only stays the night-time
Through my years of fumbling around in the darkness trying to be "happy", I only succeeded in digging deeper into the despair as I continued to look to the food for my salvation when the rest of my life didn't turn out the way I wanted... I finally started concentrating on that small, flickering, glimmer of Hope. As I began to let down the wall around me and let it approach me, it filled my world with light and I became aware of so many new things that had always been there I suppose, I just didn't/couldn't see them. Everyone says, "Stick around and give yourself the time to let the miracles happen". I'm so glad I did!
In the morning it will fade away
Daylight is good at arriving at the right time
It's not always going to be this grey"
I have been 3 days unable to do my walk in the morning.. but finally went out today.. what a joyful feeling to be walking in this heavy, sticky, Hot! Florida weather, sweat streaming down my face and soaking my clothes, but boy, did it feel good to be out there again!!!!
This is a minor bit I want to share with you all, for 10 years, my clothing has been black t-shirts and black double knit sweat pants, it had become quite the joke at my f2f meeting and with my family.. my sponsor suggested maybe it was time to alter the wardrobe a bit, so a few weeks ago, I put on an old turquoise and cream colored plaid cotton shirt for my meeting, and of course the oohs and aahs were abundant, and the attention was a bit embarrassing so for the next couple weeks I went back to my basic black... and for the last meeting I decided to splurge again and wore a more fancy pullover, with dark, but more vibrant colors, and the comments were shorter and then seemed forgotten... so it wasn't too anxiety producing for me, and I felt okay about it. Why this would bother me so I'm not quite sure except that for so many years, I have been trying NOT to stand out that the attention was just a bit disconcerting.
Well, this morning I had to take my daughter and her girl scout troop to the local Post Office for a program unveiling the new Hero Stamp, and I had had an older pair of grey pants fixed a month or so ago in anticipation of shedding the black ones occasionally... so put them on and a "white" Far Side T-shirt and went. I saw a few people who I haven't seen in quite a while, and most said how good I was looking, and I was actually able to just say, "Thank You" and shut up... didn't have to dig my toe in the floor, or say how much more weight I had to lose, or make any other comments about still being fat. This was major improvement for me. Didn't feel the need to put myself down at all, and what a great feeling that was! To know that I may not be where I want to be yet, but that I'm OK right where I am anyway.
I was relaying a story of my not so distant past to a friend and it brought tears to my eyes and a quiver to my voice thinking about it, it related to other people thinking I was worthy just as I was, and this was long before I thought I was.
The people in this program loved me from the start, that unconditional caring that happens in these rooms, and that's what we can pass on through our sharing and comments to people, to let them know they are not alone, and that they count, that here, they are loved just as they are. It's what I felt when I came in, and it's what I want others to feel also.
love and hugs,
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