The Recovery Group

A Personal Recovery




4-12

hi all,

I'd like to share an experience that I found pretty amazing. It's one of those small miracles that happen to me on occasion.

As most of you know I walk a mile and a half every morning, well, most mornings, and I had recently decided that I would like to increase my speed a bit, and as I can now wear my watch again.. :-) I began timing my walk. First time I did that it took me 33 mins to finish.

The next day I thought I'll try to take a little time off that mark, so pushed myself a bit, worked up a sweat pretty quickly and before I reached the first half mile point was really working hard to maintain the pace... my heart was pounding, I was leaking heavily (sweating) but forced myself onward.... at the end of the walk I looked at the watch and it had taken me 42 mins. aarrgghh!!

so I quickly had to rationalize why when working so hard it had taken me longer... I thought maybe the watch was broken.. :-), but no, that wouldn't be it.. so the next day, I decided to keep track of the time for each half mile and that way I could gage my time better and see how much I needed to improve for the remaining distance. Pretty much the same result!... took much longer than I had when I was just out "walking"...

hmmm, I thought to myself, well, I'll just go out and walk the next time and just see what "natural" pace I walk at. First half mile was 10 mins... second half mile was 14 mins., third half mile was 16 mins... well, over the next week, I seemed to stabilize at 12 mins per half mile, giving me overall time of 36 mins... which I thought was ok, as I had been going through a time of very low energy again, and everything was an effort, so I became satisfied with that time. so, I decided I would stop trying to control this and just let God pick the speed for me... The day after this decision was made, my time lessened just slightly, about 15-20 secs overall, and today, 3 days later, I finished the walk in 35 mins..

My ultimate goal is still to do it in 20 mins.. but it was amazing to me that whether I was really working at getting it done, or just going out with the idea of simply enjoying the walk, the time didn't really change much. So by letting go of the control here and letting my Higher Power do it, my time is decreasing... and I'm enjoying it much more.

Seems there's a lesson here! :-)

May we notice all the miracles that happen to us each day.

Stay Strong!

love and hugs,
me

`*:*` `*:*` `*:*` `*:*`

hi all,

I got a couple of emails regarding my share about walking and trying to shorten my time. They were suggesting maybe I should forget the watch and just "do what you know you are suppose to do". They asked why I was checking my watch in the first place, so I asked myself that question.

A friend wrote, "Remember, we turned our lives and will to His care. You know you should walk. You know that anything can happen during that walk. You know you will eventually increase the amount of exercise but when it happens it will seem as natural as getting up in the morning."

Why then was I taking back the decision to let God lead me through my life? Why was I feeling like I needed to do more? To give myself a sense of accomplishment? To push myself so I could feel like a winner? To put myself in control again, so I could say "I" did this, instead of letting my Higher Power lead me? My ego really gets in my way sometimes. It keeps me from allowing God's power and love to flow through me which is what I agreed to strive for in this program....

My fear of looking "less than", stupid, or weak, still has a real hold on me, and when I looked at my reasons for wanting to meet this goal, it WAS to stroke my ego, to give me a sense of worth, to get praise for my efforts and accomplishment, this is a recurring theme in my life, one which I had alluded to in another share, but one which I failed to see in this instance.

and so, my decision to turn over the pace of my walk to my Higher Power was a step in the right direction, but still I was timing it to see what the result was, not trusting wholly in Him to give me what "I" thought I needed... so from now on, I leave my watch at home, I reaffirm my desire to allow my Higher Power to lead me and to say a heart felt thank you to my friends for helping me clear my thinking a bit.

Stay Strong!

love and hugs,
me


Table of Contents

Part 30



The Recovery Group Links

Site Map
Recovery Home
Special Interest Loops
Twelve Steps of Recovery
Recovery Online Meetings
Serendipity Newsletter
Recovery Guidelines
Message Board
Meditations