Well, I made a mistake yesterday, my sponsor was very supportive and helped me get back on track.
A brief explanation (if that's possible for me) :-)
I decided to get up earlier than normal to go for my walk, as summer is coming and it is gonna get HOT here in Florida soon, I got up at 7:30am about an hour and a half earlier than normal and my daughter and I went walking, we got back before 9am which was ok, but I was HUNGRY!! my breakfast isn't usually till 10am but I was thinking I should have something early, so I fixed my protein and planned on having my cereal at the normal time. weeeell, I got busy and forgot to eat! ;-) my daughter asked about 12:45 if I ever had the rest of my breakfast and I looked at the clock and realized it wasn't that far till lunch time, 2pm, so in my infinite wisdom and cockiness I decided, I would just skip the rest of breakfast and wait till lunch, if I ate then it would push everything late the rest of the day and I didn't want to do that.... Big Mistake!
I have been plagued with these HUNGER PANGS since lunch yesterday, when lunch time did come around I was short tempered, irritated, and had fixed what I thought I was going to have and just before eating I did a quick inventory to make sure I had all the components of the meal and discovered that I had doubled up the fat amount, (why don't I ever double the veges?) to fix it would have meant taking another 5 mins to fix something else, and my disease thought process took over, rationalizing that I had missed a portion for breakfast I could just have it now.... and I agreed, I thought that made sense, I also thought NO, you know that's not how this works, but I said "screw it, it's not that big a deal, so what, it's only 2 tablespoons of mayo.... " (sigh!) the rest of the day was ok, but the gnawing hunger would not leave me, and this morning when I woke up, it's still here, still begging me to eat off my plan to quell the pains.... I WILL NOT give in to this, the lesson once again having been thrust in my face.... Follow the Plan!!!!!!!!!
I will say some extra prayers today, read some more about turning over control, releasing these feelings to my HP, I do not want to have to do this again. My abstinence is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING in my life, complacency cannot be allowed to take over my vigil, the results are too catastrophic for me, too dangerous, too tempting.
I know today will be hard, but I and my Higher Power will get me through and hopefully by tomorrow my serenity will have returned.
another song lyric: "lessons learned are like bridges burned, you only have to cross them but once." Let's hope I've learned this one this time. :-)
Thanks for being there and giving me a place to share my successes as well as my failures.
Love to you all,
love and hugs,
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