It finally warmed up here in SW Florida, so my walk this morning was very nice, t-shirt instead of jacket.. :-)
I took yesterday off, a planned break, and this morning when I started out, there was NO energy to be had, my legs felt like concrete, and it was as if the muscles were searching valiantly for something to burn... after about half a mile it must have finally started burning some fat (as there were no more carbs - I hadn't eaten breakfast yet) and I started to feel "ok" during the walk, at the halfway point, is the Library and my daughter was going to run ahead and get over there and be back by the time I was ready to turn around and go back toward the house.... well, the doors were a little late in opening and though I could see her ok, I did not feel comfortable having her out of my sight if I had turned and just let her catch up, so I decided to sit on the bus-stop bench and wait for her. I was in view of the front doors.
Now I don't usually stop in the middle of anything as I'm used to working at something until I finish it.. be a computer problem, a woodworking project, yardwork, etc. and I have had this conversation "briefly" in the past with my sponsor about my "need" to "complete" something at the cost of everything else. :-) I had always thought this was a positive trait of mine, but on further examination, I am beginning to think it's right up my compulsive alley to be this way. Whether it's food or other activities, I simply could not stop!!
So as I sat there on the bench, my body cooling down from the exercise, my mind began doing flips, I became agitated because I wasn't "doing" anything and I wasn't "done" doing what I'd started!!!! I found this very interesting, I began thinking my walk wouldn't be as effective now because I had stopped, my heart had slowed down so the benefit wouldn't be as great, my legs were cooling down, so the thought of starting up again and having to work through that "wall" one more time before reaching the "normal" feeling of the workout was beginning to bother me a bit. I was all ready to call this a failed walk, when my daughter came running back to me, she was apologizing for taking so long, giving all the reasons why, the computers were slow, there was a line, etc. and I thought, boy, what have I done to this poor kid, my "wait" was 5 minutes, NOT a major amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but time has always been a topic of discussion in my house, always planning to save some, using it wisely, not wasting it, always the feeling that of a loss because "you can never get this time back"... etc. etc. It's interesting to me that from my chair in the living room, I can see 7 different clocks, in my entire 2 bedroom house we have almost 20 clocks, and probably some I can't remember we have at the moment... you'd think I was obsessed with time wouldn't you? LMAO an understatement for sure. :-)
anyway, on the walk back home I got to think about this and came to the conclusion that I need to work on this a bit.. I was able to let go of the idea that my walk was now negated because I "took a break", and it gave me a sense of calm to think that it's ok to stop something before finishing, it had no adverse affect that I can tell, and it only added 5 mins to the walk.. NOT major, not important enough to be agitated about it, so I let it go. I will be on the lookout for other variations of this behavior now that I am more aware and have this new way to look at it.
I love this program! I am grateful for the clarity in seeing these traits of mine in a new light...
love and hugs,
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