This was a response to a question/statement from my home loop.
>why is it that the word abstinence irritates me so??? new person here?
>I feel angry just thinking about it. [name withheld]
quick definition from my gut says it means "doing without", and I don't want to do without, I want whatever I want just exactly when I want it. To think about "doing without" can be irritating..:-)
My mind set had to change and to think about the fact that IF I remove something from my life, something else will take it's place. Law of nature, create a vacuum and something will be sucked into it. If my spiritual channels are open then it will be something good...
Hope, Trust, Faith, three words that have new meaning in my life today...
Hope begins it.... wanting for things to be better, finding someone or something that has overcome the same things I have to overcome and studying how they did it.
Trust is next, in something greater than me, could be the program, could be the meetings, could be anything that I can consider my Higher Power, used to be food, then program people, then The program, then God, and I believe it will always, eventually, be God (as I misunderstand Him, by whatever name I call Him).
I dabble a bit, I commit to doing something different for a short amount of time... if after that time and effort things are better, then I can begin to believe and "trust" that my life can be changed, IF I am honest in my efforts and evaluations.
Faith comes from having a track record of built up trust, I had to prove to myself with the small, baby steps that change could be made, I can then begin to believe that even more major changes can be made if I allow it, if I make the effort, if I am honest about it... if I am sincere in my desire to change and willing to trust, one more time, that the effort will be worth it.
Detoxing from my addictive substances, sugar and excessive fats, was the most irritating and uncomfortable few weeks of my life, I didn't think I would be able to get through it without those substances, but after a few days, the craving became less, and less, and less....
It has been almost a year now and the food thoughts are rare and pass quickly, but they are still there, if I am not vigilant about it and begin to think I am cured now, I could be right back into my addiction very quickly... Knowing that those substances are poison to me keeps them out of my life.
I've learned that I cannot afford to let myself think, especially in the beginning of something new, that it will be 'forever', that's just too much to fathom, I can only be concerned with today, just until I lay down at the end of my day and go to sleep, and I can do anything for just one day!! I truly believe that! Tomorrow is another story, but just for today I can follow this plan the way I laid it out this morning... and that's all I focus on.
Each morning I say my prayers to begin my day and get my thinking on the spiritual path, I plan my day, and each night I say thanks for whatever happened, and try to find the value in the tests, and serenity in the results of my day, but always now trusting that whatever happened it was something I could learn from, something that would benefit me.
This is major for me, as I was one who could find the smallest negative aspect of anything and make it a mountain, I am now learning to do that with the positive side of things, and those things are the miracles of this program.
Stay long enough for the miracles to happen, they will!!
love and hugs,
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