Today I woke up tired again, it was a nice reprieve, almost 10 days of feeling good and having energy, Thank You God!
Yesterday, I slept a lot more than usual, actually sleeping all night, and didn't awaken till noon, today I forced myself up at 10am... I could have slept till noon again, I was that tired, but had too much I wanted to do today.
Went to the chiropractor and shopping at the health food store, the clerk mentioned that it looked like I was still losing weight which was nice, as she sees me about 2-3 times a week, and I don't tend to notice any visual difference. I KNOW it is happening cause the clothes are looser but when I look in the mirror I still look the same to me. Reminded me of an exercise we did at the treatment center, it was an exercise in body image. We took a string of yarn, picked three areas of our body and tried to create a circle of yarn equivalent to that part without taking any visual clues, by looking or studying that part. I chose my wrist, my waist, and my neck. The circles I created were then put aside and we actually took yarn and wrapped those same areas, cut and taped the yarn, then compared them.
Without exception, all my estimated circles were almost twice as big as I actually was measured. So now even though I am more aware of my body than before, and I know that I am losing weight, why does it still look the same in the mirror????? I think that's why it so important for me not to trust my own impressions cause I'm not seeing the changes, but those in my f2f meeting see it, and even those I see regularly are seeing it, it's nice to get the feedback.
but I digress, I had been feeling so good for long enough to think that it might be "normal" for me to feel this way now all the time... NOT!! There is still a lot of changing this body has to do, and it will continue to be "work", so I will endure these upcoming days of being tired again, knowing that it is just a part of the cycle for me.... oh but it was glorious for that last week!! Tears actually came to my eyes just now remembering how good it all was, I will miss it, but I know it will come around again, I DO know that!
I have noticed a slight increase in the variety of my meals, not a great deal, but some, it has pleased everyone.. LOL I am content with it.
I am currently reading a book called "Drop the Rock", it's about letting go of our character defects, I'm finding it very interesting and pertinent as I am using it to help facilitate working steps 6-9.
How often did I hear in meetings that recovery comes from working the steps, not in achieving abstinence? How true it has been for me, without the food to cloud my thinking it is amazing the clarity I am having now. I am able to know that being tired like I am is NOT being hungry, that being upset about anything is NOT being hungry, learning to study these new feelings is like reading a good mystery to me now. It's actually sometimes... dare I say, fun! :-)
Have driven myself out of town twice now in less than a week, have been accomplishing all the tasks on my program now more consistently than ever, phone calls, writing, reading, meetings, etc. and for that I am truly grateful. There was a time when I just couldn't seem to find time to get all those things in during my day... but it has become a real integrated part of my life now... not a chore but an activity to look forward to.
I am able now to sleep laying down for about 2½ hours at a time, this is major and so enjoyable, the rest of the time is still sleeping sitting in my chair, but if I don't lay down now for at least some time during the day, I miss it and my body seems less content also, like it is telling me to go lay it down for a while.
Right now it's telling me I have to stop and get some other work done.. so enough for now.
love and hugs,
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