One Day at a Time


"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes."
Oscar Wilde

Before program, I would dwell in my mistakes. Experience, feh! I was all about self-abuse and feeling rotten about mistakes. My mistakes would certainly lead to overeating, since there was no other option in my mind. Even with years of therapy with the same therapist I still used eating as a soothing tool for those times when the mistake was enough to send me into a tailspin. Time and time again people would tell me I was too hard on myself, or that I should just relax and smile. Another mistake for me to internalize -- I couldn't even make a mistake right. I wonder now if I sometimes looked for things to call mistakes so Id have a reason to feel as rotten as I did most of the time. Having been abused as a child wasn't enough, blaming other people for my pain never satiated me.

In my first OA meeting, I heard the promises and I started to feel something melt away. Some of the shame and self-pity evaporated into the room of men and women who also felt this lack of satisfaction. A room of men and women loved me because I struggled with the same addictive behaviors. I don't think I'd ever been loved for my weakness, and there is something powerful in that. When I make a mistake, I can think about my friends in OA who tell me that there is no wrong way, just another way.

One day at a time...
I can know that there are people who love me because I share in their weakness, and I can read the promises to realize that recovery is possible.

~ AJ

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