To state the facts frankly is not to despair the future nor indict the past.
The prudent heir takes careful inventory of his legacies and gives
a faithful accounting to those whom he owes an obligation of trust.
John F. Kennedy
As is often typical of a compulsive overeater, the more I struggled to be loyal in my relationships with others, God, and myself, the more I found myself to be capable of loyalty only to food, shame, hiding my secrets, and despairing of any hope for recovery.
It was my shame that drove me to ineffectual attempts at loyalty and shame breeds loyalty only to shame.
My relationships were in chaos, my mind was my enemy, and my emotions were tumultuous. When my pain overcame my attempts to be loyal, and my addiction to shame led to broken relationships, I had to finally admit that my efforts to control my life were fruitless and would remain fruitless unless I sought help.
When I entered recovery I feared the honesty and transparency that loyalty to self, others, God, and the truth would require of me. Among others who struggled with the same disease, however, I found that there can be no loyalty without taking a fearless inventory of my life and making a faithful accounting of my legacy. I found that I must surrender my loyalty to my disease, and place my loyalty in the hands of my Higher Power and in the open sharing of my reality. Only then could I cultivate loyalty in my relationships.
One day at a time ...
I will choose loyalty to healthy relationships with others, God, and myself and I will resist the temptation to be loyal to my disease.
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