I had many delusions when I entered the Twelve Step program. One by one they have shattered, but only when I was able to handle the truth.
Still, I have looked back at the things I was in denial about during my sickness, and I blamed myself for not seeing the truth sooner, for not seeking recovery sooner. On the good days, which are becoming more and more common for me, I see that my denial was indeed a survival tool.
I spent 33 years with eating disorders without ever consciously knowing about them. Subconsciously, I was very interested in books and movies about anorexia and bulimia, and was fascinated to learn about compulsive overeating. I can only believe I was unknowingly preparing myself for the day when I would be able to face my addiction and still survive.
One day at a time...
I will remind myself that many things are in our lives for a reason,
~ Rhonda H. ~
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