To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
As far back as I can remember, I have always been fearful of change. I preferred to stay in my comfort zone, even when it became uncomfortable or painful. I suppose that was why I stayed in the disease for so long; it was what I knew. It was safe and predictable and I didn't have to deal with painful emotions such as loss and rejection. This was also why I stayed so long in a bad marriage; I was terrified of what was outside the walls of my dysfunctional relationship. In truth, I didn't really live, because fear of change prevented me from forming new relationships and doing new and exciting things. Even the move from one city to another was totally traumatic, because the old and familiar was what I knew, not because it was better. Even then, I spent so long looking at the closed door behind me that I failed to see the open door in front of me.
I know now that even when I fear change, I need only put one foot in front of the other, and do what is before me. Because I now have faith that my Higher Power will be with me every step of the way, I need only ask for help, and the help comes. Even though it still is not easy, I am aware of how many changes I have been able to make with the help of my Higher Power. In the past, I spent so much time obsessing about the outcome that I talked myself out of the change I was thinking of making. The biggest change that has happened for me is my newfound faith which enables me to take that leap into the unknown.
There have been other miraculous changes too. Now I have a more open and honest relationship with my children and others because I am able to take more risks and set boundaries, which I had never been able to do before. I have changed careers, undertaken flying overseas on my own, and in general am not the scared person I used to be. I also have a whole new family of wonderful friends in this fellowship who understand me and love me always.
One Day at a Time . . .
I continue to grow and change as God wills me to do, and I will not be afraid because I know that He will always be there to guide and help me.
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