Dear Friends,

My name is Mari. I am a compulsive overeater and this is my journal to recovery.

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed and
became williing to make amends to them all."


The Twelve Steps of Recovery

I don't like to hurt people. But I have. And I do. I don't like to BE hurt. But I have been. And I am. It's part of life. It happens. When I took my first Eighth Step, it was not a good one. I left out a very important person whom I had harmed. A person who didn't deserve to be hurt and one whom I should have loved enough not to. The person whom I had harmed and I had not become willing to make amends to at the time of my first Eighth Step was myself. And because I was not able to put myself on that list and did not have a willingness to make amends to me ..... that made my eighth and ninth steps more difficult. And less effective. The Twelve Steps is an on-going and never-ending process. Thank you, God.

After we become abstinent from our compulsions, whatever they may be, we begin to look at life differently. And since relationships are a big part of our life, we begin to look at those differently also. I discovered that I had been isolating to avoid being hurt in relationships. This works! If we isolate and don't have too many relationships, there's less a chance of being hurt. Of course, there's also less of a chance for happiness, joy and all the other things that make life worth living.

There are two parts to Step Eight. The first is making a list of everyone we had harmed in our entire life. IN WRITING. And the second part is we must become willing to make amends to each and every person on that list. And before we can make proper amends we must forgive that person. This is an ego-puncturing process .... and it can be a long process .... a hard process .... but a life altering process.

This is another of those days when I don't want to stop writing. This step is one about which volumes are written. And as time goes on, I want to write a lot more in my journal about relationships and Step Eight. I do want to tell you that having a sponsor is almost essential to working the Twelve Steps. Another way is by participating in the Working the Steps group.

Please remember that Step Eight is NOT about making the actual amends to those we have harmed. It is about making a list of those people and the process of becoming willing to make amends to them.

Dear God,
I have hurt so many
people during my lifetime.
Please give me the wisom and
the willingness to make amends
to them ALL Even to those who have harmed me.

MariCares on IRC
Letting recovery be my north star.