I have been doing a lot of thinking about unconditional acceptance today. Part of the reason that OA and this loop became important to me when I joined it was that for the first time in my life I felt totally and completely accepted. Unconditional acceptance was foreign to me then .... and, in many ways, it is still foreign in that outside OA world in which I live. OA taught me that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about us ... what matters is how we think of ourselves.
Step Eleven has brought me to the realization that very few people in my world (and probably your's too) love us or accept us unconditionally. But that doesn't matter as much to me anymore. I have come to a point in my life that I want to know what it is God has in mind for me to do, to say, to accomplish, to be. And when I learn what that is, I want God to sit me down and tell me how to do it.
I find myself doing a lot more praying than I used to. I've always prayed ... what changed over the years is HOW I've prayed .... and what I said in my prayers. Most of my life I believe my prayers were just "thank yous" to God unless it was a serious event taking place in my life. Now, I have serious talks with God .... getting down on my knees type talks .... when I express powerlessness and beg for Him to just tell me how to handle certain situations in my life. During these times I am asking for the knowledge of His will.
God must be looking down on me with amazement now. I've always been a woman who was determined and who knew exactly what she wanted out of life. A woman who worked very hard to solve problems and took pride in that. Now I go to God with utter powerlessness not knowing which step to take next and not at all sure if the direction I am heading is the right one.
Meditation and prayer are very important to me. I do a lot of both. I look upon prayer as talking to God. And I look upon meditation as God talking back to me. The Eleventh Step is wonderful .... so comforting. To know that someone accepts me and loves me unconditionally is the biggest miracle of my already full of miracles program.
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