Today my island looks like one of those pictures from a magazine. Flowers are at their peak, the ocean is at its bluest and the trees seem greener than usual. Our St. Patrick's Day and the big parade are history, the weekend visitors have left and this lazy island seems to be letting out a big yawn as it settles down to summer.
I feel much the same way. The "one day at a time" part of my program is hitting home more than ever and the fact that I'm a compulsive overeater was right in my face this morning. I'm going to reflect today .... just take a big yawn .... and reflect.
I believe deep down in my heart of hearts that I used to think that there would be a permanent recovery to my addiction. I don't like to admit that I thought that now but I'm sure I did. Much like when I started working the steps. I thought that when I finished working the Twelve Steps of OA that I was, more or less, finished for good. HA! What I realized was that I had "finished" something that was never-ending. Furthermore, I had barely begun.
I have stopped typing for a minute and asked myself if I can think of anything in this world that is truly permanent. I BELIEVE THE ONLY THING THAT CAN GIVE ME ANY MEASURE OF PERMANENCE IS WORKING MY PROGRAM ONE DAY AT A TIME. And so, today I'm committing myself to accepting that fact. Between that and powerlessness there is sanity.
Each day as I bump into a problem (and these days there are many), I use the same methods I used in working the 4th step to do my 10th step inventory. In doing so I notice the same character defects seem to be popping up and by doing a daily inventory, it gives me a chance to work on these character defects. It's sort of like killing two birds with one stone (God ... I just thought how awful that old cliche is ... I will never use it again ... birds are a big part of our life on this island). Anyway, the opportunity to note what I'm doing wrong in my life, seeing one's character defects each day and relating that to a wrong-doing accomplishes two purposes. 1. Correct the CD and there's less I will do wrong and 2. The fewer things I do wrong, the fewer amends I will have to make.
I've taken my inventory today and I've seen some things I've done wrong. I've already made one phone call and written two personal letters. I have yet another personal letter to write and the day isn't half over. :-) But for today .... at least the rest of it ... I'm going to be very aware of my CDs and I'm going to try to do things right ........ so that tomorrow when I wake up, I'll have less inventory than I had this morning.
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