~ Anger ~
Dear Friends on our Journey ~ ~ ~
My name is Mari and I am a compulsive overeater in recovery. I've just completed twelve days of introspection using the Twelve Steps of OA. What marvelous gifts they are to us. I find the steps awesome. Thank you for allowing me to share these steps and my recovery journal with you.
"Always shun whatever
may make you angry"
. . . . . .Publilius Syrun
My husband and I had an argument this afternoon. We both became angry. His cholesterol is high. Mine isn't. His weight is fine. Mine isn't. I went grocery shopping this afternoon and bought some ice cream without sugar with 90 calories but it had 20 mg. of cholesterol. I bought him some popsicles with no cholesterol. The argument started because he wanted ice cream with no cholesterol and not the popsicles.
When I walked in the door carrying about twenty of those little plastic bags, I was tired. Actually, more than tired ... I was exhausted. And there he was .... lounging in front of the TV watching ballgames. Up he gets and inspects our groceries .... discovers the ice cream with cholesterol and starts telling me that I don't care about him ... that I only care about myself. On and on he goes ... and pretty soon I find myself defending myself. Saying that isn't true. That I couldn't find the damn ice cream he wanted. That buying ice cream with low calories but with cholesterol was what *I* wanted. So we argued. As with most of our arguments, they get over with in about five minutes ... but it was a definite argument.
What is it that makes me angry? Life is what it is; there are causes and effects, many of which I am not aware. Do I find myself getting angry and raging at the trees that block my views to the ocean? Do I rage at the blind man because he cannot see? Do I become infuriated when I see another gray hair pop out? Absolutely not. I accept these things as they are, knowing I can't change them.
I can't change people. They are who they are. Try as hard as I might, they are not going to change because of me and the only way I can be free of anger is to accept them. I don't buy ice cream but about every six months and when I do, it's not going to have over 90 calories in it. And my husband is just going to have to get mad at me when I do that ... because I'm not going to change that. And I'm going to have to accept the fact that he has a temper and is going to have to blow up when I do things he doesn't like because, unless I set a boundary, he's not going to stop doing that.
So just knowing that I'm not going to change and he is not going to change is accepting the things we cannot change. We laughed about how silly this argument was at dinner tonight. We both agreed that the ice cream wasn't the problem. The problem was he thought I didn't love him. And my problem was that I didn't think he appreciated all the effort I put into buying twenty sacks of groceries.
Anger! This was a little thing. There is a way to be free of anger. And that is to accept the fact that both I and others have shortcomings. And that because we do .... it's just really not that big of a deal.
Grant me the serenity to accept
the things that I cannot change.
The Recovery Group
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