DANNY'S LETTERS TO GOD
IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! No, not the flood, the WEDDING. Last night there was the rehearsal dinner, a real grab-ass football affair and I loved it. All sorts of babies around, and I got to play with all of them. Last night I slept (or at least I tried) at daughter Mary's apartment upstairs. I'm pretty grumpy now, and You will have to take care of that as the women will brook no old man grumps today. The female you sent to run (or is it ruin) my life is taking no prisoners today as she laid out what I WILL wear today, and that includes the extra pair of socks I did not know about. WHAT A SNEAK You sent me!!!
I have been instructed to do as little as possible to avoid dying and lousing up the WEDDING, and that idea sounds intriuging. I finally figured out the WHY of my aversion to WEDDINGS. I'm not the star!!! How could this be? Well, at least I have a supporting role. You're a pretty funny God, and its no wonder I have such a silly sense of humor. The bride (mine) is now issuing commands from her command center (the kitchen), orderng my body to the store for last minute provisions. Somehow You will see me safely through this mess. My selfish wish for today is that the music is horrible, and then I won't feel bad about not dancing, which I will probably do anyway. SO THERE!! Please let the sunshine come to the bride today, and a long and happy marriage blessed with many fat babies for me to spoil. Watch over my family, friends, fellow sufferers, the rest of Your world including the pain-in-the-asses I just don't like. Please keep me from beating the hell out of the moron that thinks it's funny to hurt children in order to "make them laugh."