DANNY'S LETTERS TO GOD
Well, I finally looked at the WEDDING invitation and see the ceremony and reception are in the same place and not until 7 p.m. This means I have to put up with this gaggle of hens all day. Please help. I know I'm an old fart who dislikes his routine being upset, but I am who I am. Now the bride is ticked off because I volunteered to get lost and just pick them up in time for the drive to the WEDDING. Now listen up God, WHY is that such a bad thing?? Seems reasonable to me. I asked her, what if I had to go to the bathroom and one of these dames had taken up permanent residence in there to do make-up stuff. You know what she told me to do? Pee in the coffee can, in my own home!!! Help me out on this one, as I fear for my life once the make up and dressing time is upon me. I have been through this before. It's like payday night in a French bordello, UTTER BEDLAM.
Now about this Floyd character, tell him to get lost lest he interfere with the WEDDING. I have two homes, one in Florida less than three miles from the Atlantic, and one in N.Y. also close to the ocean. You have 1200 miles to squeeze this thing in without touching my homes, got it? If You are not inclined to take care of this, then thanks for having me buy all that insurance. THY WILL, NOT MINE BE DONE. Please grant me the strength to do Your will today, and take care of the family, friends, fellow loopies, and the people I don't really like.