My surgery was scheduled for February 10th. I was extremely nervous because
cancer was not something I wanted to talk about, much less have to share
with my sons and family, or even have in my vocabulary. Like I said
earlier, cancer was something that others have. Not me!
The time between the initial doctor’s visit and surgery was just 4 days, but
4 very busy days. I had to go for an MRI of my breast. My surgeon gave me
a prescription for a Valium. ONE VALIUM!!! I asked why I was getting this
and he said it was for the MRI. I had MRI’s before. I never needed a
Valium for goodness sake! I told him that. I said, “You just told me I
have cancer and you are only giving me ONE valium??? Have you lost your
mind????” He laughed and changed the prescription. To date, I’ve only
taken one, but not for the MRI.
The day of the MRI went relatively easy. My OA Angel went with me
and while I was getting the procedure, she went to the hospital gift shop.
Afterward, I met her there. On the counter was the strangest thing I’ve
ever seen. There was a box of what looked like melted chocolate crosses. I
could not imagine why they would be selling those, but didn’t say anything.
When we got to the parking lot, my angel gave me a package and inside was this
melted chocolate cross. “You know I don’t eat chocolate!!!” She
replied, “That’s not what it is. Look at it.”
Inside that bag was the most beautiful gift I’ve ever received. This was a
“Clinging Cross”. It was made to be held during times like this, when in
prayer, when hurting, when going thru chemo. The artist had made it after
asking God about a cross to hold when her father was dying. She went to her
studio and made it out of clay and folder her fingers over the cross and
squeezed. This is the result. It is made to almost custom fit anyone’s
When my angel gave me the cross and told me the story about how to hold it, I
couldn’t let go of it. We went a face to face meeting. I held it. We all
went to dinner. I held it. I went to bed. You guessed it, I held it.
My oldest son called and said he was going to take me to the hospital for my
surgery. I told him that wasn’t necessary that I would be fine, but he
wouldn’t hear of it. This was a good thing because I now had someone to
pass the cross to.
The morning of surgery bought a wonderful surprise. Not only was my son
there, but so was my daughter-in-law and my new grandson.
He was only 5 weeks old. I was so concerned that I couldn’t hold him
until after the surgery that this was a wonderful surprise. I was able to
hold him until they came to get me.
Before going back, I made the nurses wait until my son came back in the room.
I needed to give him my cross. I could have held on to it, but they said
they would take it away during surgery. I needed to know that a part of me
had it. I needed to know my first born child had a part of me and I a part
of him. So I stood my ground until my son got there.
Thank you, God, for that precious gift of Love.
~ Lee Anne