Chapter Nine
The Family Afterward
ASSIGNMENT:
Read Chapter Nine - "The Family Afterwards"
Respond To Questions About This Reading
Text of "The Family Afterwards"
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Chapter Nine
The Family Afterward
ASSIGNMENT:
Read Chapter Nine - "The Family Afterwards"
Respond To Questions About This Reading
Text of "The Family Afterwards"
«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»
" Though the old buildings will eventually be replaced by finer ones, the new structures will take years to complete."
" We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets. The alcoholic's past thus becomes the principle asset of the family and frequently it is almost the only one!"
" At the beginning of recovery a man will take, as a rule, one of two directions. He may either plunge into a frantic attempt to get on his feet in business, or he may be so enthralled by his new life that he talks or thinks of little else. In either case, certain family problems will arise. With these we have had experience galore. "
"The family must realize that dad, though marvelously improved, is still convalescing."
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For me, Chapter 9 brings home 2 important points. One is that all of my problems do not disappear once I put down the food and that the work is, in fact, just beginning. Two is that my disease is not just about me, it involves my husband and other family members.
I am going through a phase right now where the promise "more will be revealed" is coming true. It feels similar to recovering from a bad case of the flu and realizing how sick I had been. When it came to food, I was very, very, very sick. Thoughts of food, my next sugar fix, my weight and body size, the next diet etc. consumed me. I was not fully available to others, and I was not honest about who I was and what I needed.
My abstinence demands rigorous honest about my food and that has carried over to other areas of my life. It also requires a degree of assertiveness that was, at first unnerving for my friends and family members. I have a bottom line now. This has changed my relationships, overall for the better, but there have been some rough spots.
THE QUESTIONS
2. Has your family put up any resistance to your program of recovery?
3. Did you go through a phase of spiritual giddiness? How did that simmer down?
4. What kind of challenges have you and your family gone through that is related to your recovery?
It is the sharing of our collective experience, strength, hope and wisdom inspired by our reading of this Big Book together that will make a difference in our recovery. *It would be helpful to you as you read along to substitute the word food for alcohol and compulsive eater for alcoholic. I hope all of you will join us on our journey through the Big Book.
Thank you all for being part of this group!
Love in recovery,
Lee
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ASSIGNMENT:
Read Chapter Nine - "The Family Afterwards"
Respond To Questions About This Reading
Text of "The Family Afterwards"
«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»
"So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness."
"We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous and free."
"We have three little mottoes which are apropos. Here they are:
First things first
Live and let live
Easy does it."
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Last week, Lee covered the points that there is plenty of work left to do after I put down the food, and that my disease affects my whole family. I have to change the person I brought here or I will compulsively overeat again. That person does not have any other way to cope with life's vicissitudes. And that means my family has to deal with a different person. I am changing the rules in the middle of the game. And we all know that no one likes change except a wet baby.
So perhaps we struggle to define our new selves and to assert our new selves in the face of resistance. BUT it is important not to lose sight of the fact that the people we live with have been negatively impacted by living with an actively sick COE. "...warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents..."(p18) They need time to adjust to the changes. We need to start at home with "love and tolerance of others" (our code p84)
We owe it to our family, to ourselves, to the fellowship and especially to our Higher Power to learn to enjoy our lives. Those "three little mottoes" on page 135 are sufficient to live a life of happy usefulness. "First things first" means I need to maintain my spiritual condition as my number one priority and all else falls into place. "Live and let live" means I need to DO the things that are put in front of me as my daily responsibility and trust that others have their own roles which are none of my business. And "Easy does it" means we have stopped fighting anyone or anything one day at a time.
I can complain that the people in my life don't understand me and my disease and think them insensitive and self-centered if I want an excuse to sit on the pity pot. Or I can take my own responsibility for my own recovery and enjoy my life. The former is a familiar place but the latter is much more comfortable. The choice is mine!!
THE QUESTIONS
2. Can you see how your recovery affects them?
3. Do you have special time set aside for play and fun with your family?
4. Do you understand that the best gift you can give others is a demonstration of living a healthy, spiritual life yourself?
We are all in this together!!
It is the sharing of collective experience, strength,hope and wisdom inspired by our reading of this Big Book together that will make a difference in our recovery. *It would be helpful to you as you read along to substitute the word food for alcohol and compulsive eater for alcoholic. I hope all of you will join us in our journey through the Big Book.
Thank you all for being part of this group and for letting me share. Thank you, Lee!!
Love in recovery,
Jeanne
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