DAY NINE ~ MEETING NINE
GUILT
My meeting this morning had a topic from the Big Book. It said:
"I learned that [compulsive eating] isn't a sin, it's a disease. That lifted the guilt I had felt. I learned that I didn't have to stop [eating compulsively] forever, but just not [take] that first [bite] one day, one hour at a time. I could manage that."
I haven't quite learned that COE is a disease. Of course, I have been told that and I tell others that, but do I really believe it? Nope, not yet. To me, a disease is cancer, AIDS, chicken pox, something you can treat with medicine. I am used to relying on medicine to help me feel better. It's like I need something that I can physically see to treat my sickness.
Even with my depression, I have a hard time believing it is a disease, a sickness, and not just me looking for attention. It has been pounded into my head so many times by so many different people in my life that I just want the spotlight on me. This makes it very hard to understand that I do have a sickness and it is something that cannot be totally cured, but it can be treated. Yet another hard lesson to be learned, but very much worth the effort I am sure.
Until tomorrow ~
I'm Kim
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