My meeting this morning had a topic from the Big Book, pg. 325. It said:
"I can't afford resentments against anyone, because they are the build-up of another (binge). I must live and let live."
Resentments may very well be my biggest obstacle in my recovery. I am completely terrified to get to steps four and beyond because I know how extremely difficult they are going to be for me. First of all, I am a person full of pride and I don't want to admit my shortcomings to others. It's not so hard to do in meetings because there are 10 or 20 other people there just like me! But the biggest problem for me is going to be getting past the resentments. I am a person full of anger and I take it out on everyone and everything around me.
It was suggested to me at a meeting last week that maybe I should try praying to my HP, God, for my mother, who I have the most resentments against. We have tried everything from ignoring the problems to facing them head on. You name it and we've tried it. So, for the last 5 days, I have been praying for everything that I want for myself, for her. I certainly don't mean it right now, but the AA Big Book tells me that this will help me to let go of my resentments with her. I'm waiting for this miracle to happen. I just keep on asking HP for guidance on what to do each and every minute of every day.
Until tomorrow ~