DAY SIXTY FOUR ~ MEETING SIXTY FOUR
FEAR
Today's meeting had a topic from The AA Big Book, page 275. It said:
"Fear governed my life. I found [food] dissolved fear. For a little while. In the end, I had two problems instead of one: Fear and [food]."
My sponsor had me make a fears list when doing my fourth step. It was much longer than I could have imagined it would ever be. I must have used food to dissolve these fears; otherwise I think I would have suffocated under them some time ago. My fears range from being afraid of making friends to being afraid of my children not loving me. Most of them center on the fear of abandonment and being alone when you get right down to it.
I no longer have the food dulling my fears so now I must face them. I don't have any choice unless I choose to go back into the food, which I vehemently DO NOT choose to do. Facing these fears is painful because it also means that I have to face truths about myself and others that I do not want to face. Like it or not it is a part of recovery that I can not ignore.
Until tomorrow ~
I'm Kim
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