DAY FIFTY FOUR ~ MEETING FIFTY FOUR
LETTING GO
I have let go of an awful lot of things in my program so far. I have been able to successfully let go of my control over a few people and situations, though I still get stuck on some. The ones I seem to get stuck on are the ones that mean more to me and that I am closer to. I have been willing to let go and have asked God to take many things from me, but I insert my self-will here sometimes and take things back.
Letting go of the past is really going to be the hardest thing for me. I am not even sure if I am willing to do it. I just don't want to let go of it before I work through it and try to move on without having resolved things within me. I tried that before and it just landed me back into a really bad place in my life. I am working through my past by working my fourth step thoroughly, going to a counselor and sharing in meetings and on email loops.
It's funny how I feel like I was brought up to believe certain things and even to mimic some of my parents and other caregivers behaviors. I can see them in me now and I don't like the behaviors in them, so why would I like them in me? Letting go of them requires change and change is hard.
Until tomorrow ~
I'm Kim
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