DAY TWENTY ~ MEETING TWENTY
The myth of justifiable resentment.
Oh boy... here we go again. I have a very hard time (and I mean very hard time) accepting that my resentments towards my family are not justified. I feel as though I have been violated and wronged in such a way that I should be allowed to be resentful for the rest of my natural life, and beyond. Of course I'm allowed, but will it help me and my recovery? The Big Book says, "resentment is the number one offender." I can completely believe that. I am so filled with anger and resentment that my husband has started to point it out to me when he notices it. Now, when he is telling me 50 times a day that I am angry again, there is something wrong!
The Big Book also says, "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness." That's where my life has been for 20+ years and that is how long I have been carrying this resentment around. It only seems to become deeper as time passes, rather than being relieved so there has to be another way to handle it. Once again, I will refer to the Big Book where it says "When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.'" I don't know that I can bring myself to do much more than pray for my family. I think that is all I have left in me. I have tried everything else up until now, so I am going to leave it up to God.
Until tomorrow ~
I'm Kim
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