Imagine that! Could my masks be why my mother always thought that I was okay as a child and now that I have pulled them off, she doesn't understand what is wrong? There are so many times when I still put on a mask and say "I'm okay, I'm okay&this isn't bothering me! How does that help me? It surely doesn't. This is a scary topic because up until recently, I didn't even have a part of my true self to show anyone. I was (and still am) terrified of rejection when people see the real me. I shared about my Mom in the meeting and I actually cried while sharing. It was tough. Mother's Day was recently and everyone saw me as not caring about my Mom, but that is not the case at all. She has let me down ... she is my Mom! Why isn't she here for me? Why doesn't she trust me or believe me about my abuse at the hands of my stepbrother and stepfather? I care more than anyone could ever know, but I can't put myself into a horrible situation again or jeopardize my children. I feel that now that I am showing my true emotions to people that they don't like me as much. I would rather know someone's true self than a false self that just acts "as if." This was a really strong and tough topic for first thing in the morning, but I'm glad it was. I needed it!

I think now of how grateful I am that the first thing I did this morning, even before that meeting, was to pray to my Higher Power, God. He pulled me through ... through the meeting and through the entire day. I actually had a really good day in what could have been an awful, horrible day because of the topic of the meeting this morning and my share. Spirituality is really the key. I don't know if I completely realized that until today.

Until tomorrow ~
I'm Kim

	90 Meetings in 90 Days
	Recovery Meditations
	Recovery Site Map
	Recovery Main Page
	The Twelve Traditions
	The 12 Steps of Recovery
	Recovery Message Board
	Recovery Online Meetings
	Serendipity ~ Our Newsletter